How do I college?

  1. Remember all those times your teacher (English in particular) told you that you needed to have more personal opinions and responses to texts because it would be oh-so-important in college? Bullshit. As soon as you get here, you and your opinion don’t exist.
  2. As soon as you get here, you will soon realise you don’t have enough t-shirts to wear a new one everyday like you planned.
  3. All those free hours you were delighted with when you got your timetable will soon become the most dreaded part of your day either because you have so much work to get done, or you have literally nothing to do.
  4. Napping is no longer just for toddlers.
  5. Don’t be that person who shows up 40 minutes late to a 50 minute lecture. The rest of us are questioning the logic behind your decision to show up at all.
  6. You’ll soon find out that whatever book you need from the library won’t be there when you go to look for it. Or you won’t be able to find the shelf it’s on. Or you’ll find the book and see how thick it is and decide you don’t need it that much.
  7. You will have a minimum of 1 person in your group who will do nothing for the project. This is just a law of the universe.
  8. You don’t know how to reference, and probably never will.
  9. Despite not knowing how to reference, it will still be the bane of your life.
  10. The mature students can be just as scared of college as you, so don’t be a dick to them.
  11. Just don’t be a dick to anyone in general.
  12. Don’t pick English. Just trust me on this.
  13. Your student ID picture will probably be the worst picture you have ever seen of yourself.
  14. Literally no one cares whether you drink or not. They care if you act like you’re better than them if you do/don’t.
  15. You’re allowed to judge the eejits who walk around in t-shirts on cold winter mornings.
  16. Don’t be the eejit who walks around in a t-shirt on cold winter mornings.
  17. You will finally get around to watching all the seasons of that one show you’ve been meaning to watch for ages, and this will probably be the most productive thing you do all year.
  18. I don’t think anyone even knows what a normal sleeping pattern is anymore.
  19. You will soon learn you have an accent that people like to make fun of.
  20. If you come to UCD, you’ll find out that the wifi sucks.
  21. Procrastination will just become part of who you are- if you need any proof of this, just know that I spent more time writing this than I did researching for my essay.

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