How do I nights out? (the Portlaoise edition aka the super classy edition)

  1. Avoid Egans. Just trust me on this.
  2. Walking in heels while drunk takes skill so congratulate every drunk girl in heels who can stay upright, that is a talent.
  3. If you’re pre drinking in someone’s house and are enjoying yourselves, don’t go out. It’s all only downhill from there if you do.
  4. If a girl says no, she means no. (This is a really simple concept to understand so can people please stop being a bunch of creeps).
  5. Look around and you will see many an old man lurking in the shadows of club, waiting to pounce. This is one of the many reasons girls move in packs – we have to protect each other.
  6. Spill your drink on a girl’s dress and my god are you in the bad books.
  7. Sober nights out can be just as fun as drunk nights out; you get to remember every embarrassing thing your friends did and use it against them forever.
  8. You will see things in the smoking area of club that may or may not scar you for life.
  9. Am I the only one who tries to act really sober when the bouncers walk by so they think ‘well at least this one’s respectable’?
  10. It hasn’t been a true night out until a girl cries.
  11. Don’t judge girls for getting emotional – drinking and reminiscing with friends is not a good mix.
  12. Sometimes we get emotional because our heels are hurting us. This is also something we would prefer you didn’t judge us for.
  13. You should just expect tears and accept them without judgement.
  14. You’ll never feel older than when you’re in club surrounded by people you could have sworn were in TY.
  15. Never hand your phone to a drunk friend.
  16. You can tell it’s been a good night if Mr Brightside wasn’t played but you still enjoyed yourself.
  17. Oh, you thought you hated One Direction? You will never sing a song more passionately than Best Song Ever when it gets played.
  18. The chicken tender meal in Supermacs after a night out is as close to heaven as any of us are getting.

How do I exams?

  1. Oh, you thought you wouldn’t have to work and college was just a babe parade for you to enjoy? Think again.
  2. The best way to deal with any exam stress is to ignore it.
  3. Never underestimate the soul healing power of chocolate.
  4. Never underestimate the soul healing power of a hot shower.
  5. One of the many things you’ll learn during study week is that you shouldn’t leave all your study til study week.
  6. Nobody likes empty promises, so don’t bother telling yourself you’ll try harder next semester to study in your spare time.
  7. You will learn things during study week you didn’t even know you were supposed to have learned about that semester.
  8. You’ll spend more time calculating your percentage in the module you’ve already gotten from previous assignments and essays.
  9. Colour coding your notes is all well and good until you realise you’re spending more time picking what colour to use next than actually learning what you’re writing.
  10. Your lowest point of study is when you haven’t showered in 2 days and start wishing you were back taking the Leaving Cert.
  11. The most annoying part about MCQs is that the right answer is literally staring at you, and you’re probably going to pick the wrong one anyway.
  12. Pray for no negative marking.
  13. All your study probably can’t be done the night before, but who doesn’t like a challenge?
  14. Accept that failing isn’t the worst thing that could happen to you.
  15. Start trying to convince your mother (in an extremely subtle manner) failing isn’t the worst thing that you could do.

Cause love is free and life is cheap…

As per usual, controversy on Twitter (and the internet in general) relating to Nelson Mandela’s death has been taken too far, and while I hate to add fuel to the fire, this isn’t the first time I’ve been a witness to such a travesty because apparently the death of a well known figure is comic gold!

Remember Cory Monteith and all those hilarious jokes about his death? Or how about the jokes about the ironic circumstances surrounding Paul Walker’s death? Weren’t those genius? But it doesn’t matter that people are making jokes about such things because these people were celebrities and hence immune to cruelty!

And hey look, the world just lost another well known person so I guess it’s time to crack out the joke book and have a laugh at his expense too!

At what age do people lose their compassion? At what point does a person think ‘oh look, that guy who spent his life fighting hatred, who continuously fought for equal rights, who lived a life of kindness and who brought hope to millions is after dying…this is the perfect time to make jokes about him and disregard everything he did’? You can argue your joke meant nothing of the sort, but why are you making a joke so disrespectful in the first place and then defending it?

Let’s just clear something up; joking about someone dying is not, has never been and will never be funny. Yes, you have the right to freedom of speech and the freedom to tell whatever jokes you like, but what you don’t have the right to is the freedom from the consequences of your speech. So maybe take a second before you say something and think what benefit your comment is going to bring to the world. If your words don’t make the world a better place, then why use them?

But look, if the fact that a man fought for equality and was the true embodiment of human goodness isn’t enough to stop you from making that disrespectful joke, just remember that he was a human being. He was someone’s brother, someone’s father, someone’s friend. Surely knowing that is enough to make you act like a decent person?

‘We can change the world and make it a better place. It is in your hands to make a difference.’ – Nelson Mandela, R.I.P