Surviving the World Cup as a non-sports fan

  1. Don’t complain about the amount of tweets about it on twitter (let’s face it, sports fans had to deal with you when you live tweeted the Eurovision, it’s only fair)
  2. Don’t watch a match with a sports fan if you’re not ready to get as invested as them. Especially if said sports fan is someone you’re close to – you will see the relationship deteriorate before your eyes.
  3. You will witness emotions in the next few weeks you never thought a man could feel.
  4. Apparently, supporting a team because their jersey is your favourite colour isn’t how the game works.
  5. If you’re struggling to understand the game/the rules/the whole point in general just say things that sound like you know what you’re talking about e.g ‘oh no that player didn’t get the ball when he should have, what a shame’ or ‘riddle me this, fellow sports fans, if you’re not allowed tackle someone why did that handsome fellow tackle the other man?”
  6. (My father just informed me that those statements might make people want to punch you in the face)
  7. Man United are not a team that plays in the World Cup.
  8. If you’re like me, you also need to learn some teams that aren’t Man United.
  9. Prepare yourself for many a “jumping on the bandwagon” comments.
  10. If all else fails, just talk about how Wayne Rooney looks like Shrek.

How do I Leaving Cert? Part 2

  1. Your graduation will be an emotion-filled night with really heartfelt conversations and there might even be some tears…but then you’ll all be really embarrassed about it because 2 weeks later you see each other again for the exams.
  2. Opening your exam papers and trying to predict what’s going to come up this year doesn’t count as study.
  3. Geography students: learn off the Sue Honan revision book and you’ll be fine.
  4. You’re focusing so much on the poetry part of the English paper that you’re forgetting the story/essay is worth 25%.
  5. Don’t be the fool I was and focus so much on the poetry that you panicked when it didn’t appear on Paper 1 (if you don’t understand why it’s ridiculous to panic over that, you should probably open your exam papers and start taking this thing seriously)
  6. Sticking in song lyrics to your story is a clever plan, but an even cleverer plan is stealing the storyline to a book you’ve read and tweaking it to suit the title (I stole a chapter from Stephen King’s ‘Salems Lot’ and guess who got an A1)
  7. Someone is going to cry after the maths exam.
  8. Avoid History students before and after their exam because that is the kind of panic you do not need to surround yourself with.
  9. It’s best not to mention to your mother you left your exam after an hour.
  10. It’s even better not to leave your exam after an hour.
  11. Don’t overdo the ‘Granny lit a candle for me’ jokes the night before exams.
  12. It’s gotten to the point where you need to stop blaming your lack of knowledge on how terrible your teacher was and just sit down and learn it.
  13. I hate to break it to you, but the exams aren’t actually the worst part of the Leaving Cert; wait til the night before the results come out and you’ll know what I’m talking about.
  14. Don’t steal the debs money. Don’t be that person.

Life lessons from an 18 year old idiot (Part 2)

  1. People who listen to vinyls and people who smoke weed are more alike than you think because they will be sure to tell you they listen to vinyls and/or smoke weed.
  2. Start believing in yourself. Start believing that you’re a good person, that you’re beautiful, that you’re going places. Other people don’t have to believe it but once you do, you’ll be a much happier person.
  3. Non-famous people decide who gets to be famous so stop complaining that the Kardashians and Miley Cyrus are around. You did this.
  4. Nothing will bring you and your dad closer than bitching about your mother. (If my mother sees this, just know I love you and I never meant anything I ever said to him. Also, his impression of you is worse than mine.)
  5. Dieting is all well and good but don’t spend every moment of your life counting calories. Put down your lettuce and eat that tube of pringles by yourself. Don’t let guilt consume you.
  6. There’s no plastic surgery for a personality so don’t be a shitty person.
  7. Don’t let Mean Girls trick you into thinking you’re not being judged on Halloween.
  8. If somebody mocks Harry Potter, get out of there. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
  9. If you can’t refrain from talking and messing for the length of the whole film, leave the cinema.
  10. You’re still allowed to like a band even when the world tells you they’ve sold out.
  11. There is no disadvantage to telling your friends how much they mean to you, so do it and do it often cause people forget.
  12. Stop pretending you don’t like rom-coms.
  13. If you still get angry about whether or not leggings are pants, it’s time you re-evaluate your priorities.
  14. Don’t trust anyone, man or woman, who can’t admit that Tom Hardy is attractive.
  15. As long as what you’re doing isn’t hurting you or anyone around you then, as cheesy as it sounds, do what makes you happy.

Two outta three ain’t bad

Here’s the honest truth:

  • You’re going to feel worthless sometimes.
  • You’re going to make mistakes.
  • You’re going to have days where look in the mirror and hate everything about the person you see.
  • You’re going to fight with yourself about why you even bother anymore.
  • Some days are going to make you wish you had never woken up that morning.
  • You’re going to get really sad and won’t know why and you think a 7 hour nap will help but it doesn’t.
  • You’re going to feel alone and like no one else in the world has suffered the way you have.
  • You’re going to be afraid of failure.
  • You’re going to fail something.
  • You’re going to feel like you’re a disappointment.
  • You’re going to have days where you feel like if you got hit by a car, you would gladly thank the driver.

But guess what?

  • You’re going to get past it.
  • You’re going to discover music that gives you goosebumps and makes you feel less alone.
  • You’re going to watch films that inspire you to become a better person or to change the world.
  • You’re going to read a book that makes you wish the world in it was real (but secretly you’ll be happy it isn’t because when things get bad, you have somewhere to go that no one else knows about).
  • You’re going to meet someone and become their best friend and wonder how you survived all those years without them in your life.
  • You’re going to change someone’s life merely because you’re their friend.
  • There’s going to be cold winter evenings where you get to wrap yourself up in a blanket and forget about the world.
  • You’re going to plan road trips and holidays with your friends that will never happen, but you’re ok with that because you’ll make even better memories with them
  • You’re going to be ok.

Some helpful tips on being a girl from a girl who doesn’t know how to be a girl

  1. Face wash is essential – extra points if you’re smarter than me and use a bobbin. (It’s important to remember you won’t look as glamourous as all those girls on the telly when they’re washing their face)
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  2. And it’s not ever shown in those ads for face washes, but this happens.
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  3. Apparently, girls aren’t allowed have thicker eyebrows than men, so hello tweezers.
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  4. And hello pain.
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  5. Next, apply foundation while questioning if it’s making you look orange or if that’s just the light.
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  6. Powder. Powder everywhere.
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  7. Slap a bitta blush on. (Extra girly points if your blush looks like this.)
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  8. Use a million different shades of eyeshadow and pretend you know what you’re doing.
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  9. Put on that eyeliner with such confidence you forget you don’t know how to put on eyeliner. And then pretend the unmatched, too thick, smudged look was the look you were going for.
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  10. And then slap some mascara on or if you’re feeling super confident, use fake eyelashes. (The more ridiculous the face you make, the more girly points you get.)
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  11. Then let the 14 year old in you come out and take some classy selfies. (Remember to pout and make a face that shows the world you just woke up and this is you on a bad day)
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Panic at the disco (and probably every other kind of venue you can think of)

So I suppose I should warn you that this isn’t the typical “haha look how shit Portlaoise is” kind of blog post (apologies, I’ll find something new to make fun of soon for you all). This is actually a more personal post than you’re used to (so if you stop reading now, I completely understand).

I wanted to write about this because it’s something that I thought was completely normal that everyone dealt with until about 2 weeks ago when I had a chat with a few of the gals and they informed that it was not, in fact, as normal as I had believed. So basically, what I need you to do (an interactive blog post?! What is this?!) is imagine those pre-exam nerves you get, or maybe the nerves before an interview of some sort- just imagine having butterflies in your stomach, but not the good kind. Now multiply those butterflies by about 10 and you will understand how I, and many people like me, feel about any situation that isn’t familiar…and sometimes even familiar situations.

Basically, I’m nervous in almost every aspect of everything ever. And what I’m here to do is not to help people who also get anxious about the littlest things, but to help people who don’t get anxious understand what it’s like for the rest of us so you don’t sit around bitching about how people are anti-social (or maybe you don’t do that, I don’t know, but paranoia is a common trait of us nervous folk).

I mean, I’m not gonna get into a whole big “look, do this and this and this and everything is fine”. Literally all we want is for you to understand that sometimes (most of the time) we don’t want to do certain things because we’re too nervous about it. And a lot of the time there’s no reason for our nerves – or our reason is so ridiculous we can’t bring ourselves to tell you because it’s too embarrassing to admit (one time I didn’t go to a sleep over because I was nervous their aunts and uncles would show up unexpectedly and I would have to deal with meeting grown ups…that was genuinely once a worry of mine).

But look, I could rant all day about how I get so panicked about tutorials that I don’t go sometimes or how I got really nervous that one time after the Leaving Cert when we all went to Aoife Del’s house because I was afraid the girls would be like ‘wow why are you here, when did you join this group ya loser’, but I won’t. I’ll just say that if you have a friend who is more introverted than most, don’t get mad when they don’t go places with you- it’s nothing personal, that’s just a nerve wracking experience. Sometimes I lose count how many times I have to cross the road to avoid dodgy looking 17 year old boys (I say 17 year olds, but the age usually ranges from about 8 to 40).

So just keep in mind that some people can’t call people on the phone because it’s too awkward and it makes their heart beat unnaturally fast and they’re not quite sure why. And keep in mind that some people can’t go up to a shopkeeper and ask for help because my god does that cause heart palpitations on a whole new level. And keep in mind that some people aren’t confident and outgoing enough for spontaneity.

Just try be nice to people, especially the shy awkward people because I promise we have a personality, we’re just scared you won’t like it.

The pros and cons of a college students life

College has its advantages and disadvantages, but you won’t discover most of them until you actually get here. So here I am, being a kind soul and passing on a bitta wisdom that I’ve learned (so far) from my college experience to try help people understand what they’re really getting themselves into.

PROS

  • Meeting new people: you get to come to college, clean slate and meet some other cool college kids. The best part about meeting all the new folk in college is reusing old jokes and stories your current friends are sick of hearing.
  • Freedom: No more uniform, no more teachers telling you what to do and when to do it for, no more being forced to go to classes. You get to decide what you do and when you do it (you can even go out on a Monday night if you wish it… I think for a lot of students this becomes a necessity mainly to help them cope with the rest of the week)
  • Bragging rights: You never have to do a Leaving Cert again.
  • New house, new family…of sorts: You get a break from the constant nagging to empty the dishwasher and from the younger siblings ridiculous arguments. Suuure, you might get unlucky and end up living with people worse than your family (almost seems unfathomable, I know) but at least no one’s judging you for not getting out of bed at 2 in the day.

CONS

  • Meeting new people: You have to start off with the whole “hi, how are you, where are you from, what are you studying” kind of conversations, and let’s face it, no one cares about that stuff. Everyone wants to get straight to the over emotional, weirdly deep 3am chats. And then you have to consistently question whether you’ve reached the point in the friendship where you’re allowed to insult one another and just be a weirdo without judgement. And you’ll miss your old friends. A lot.
  • Freedom: You might think teachers are a pain by constantly telling you to have an essay done for a certain day, or for nagging about your study, but when you show up to college and no one is telling you what to have done and when to have it done by, nothing is done. And sure, that sounds like a great life but come exam time, you’re going to question when you ever had to study certain topics and hate yourself for not keeping track of your work. And the no uniform thing is a bit of hassle too when you don’t know whether or not people are going to judge you for wearing the same shirt 2 days in a row.
  • No Mammy: Once you start being the person who gets you out of bed every morning and making your own food, you’ll appreciate your mother ten times more (you’ll just never tell her that). And you might think living away from home is going to be brilliant, but let me tell you, homesickness is the worst when it strikes. There’s nothing I miss more when I’m sitting in my college room than the regular 9 o clock argument with my dad over what film we should put on. Appreciate those stupid little things while you can cause college is lonely as fuck sometimes.
  • Money: Haha. Good luck with this aspect of college life.